The three things my husband taught me about men

Grin #2

1. “Guys. Do. Not. Share. Beds. Ever.” Who knew? I learned this one recently, after asking why one of my husband’s friends had to sleep on the floor on an overnight bike trip. I was curious. Surely there were exceptions to this mandate. Girls share beds on overnight trips all the time. I asked, “What about brothers?” No. “What about best friends?” Definitely not. “What if you can’t decide who sleeps on the floor and one guy wants to share a bed?” My husband looked at me like I had a third eye, and he said, “Then you DEFINITELY take the floor! God!” Sheesh. I was just asking.

2. A clean car is KING. I don’t understand this one, and I don’t comply, but I have found this to be universally true. The last time we drove my car, my husband looked like a broken man. My car depresses him with its empty lipstick tubes, tissues, Diet Dr. Pepper cans, sweatshirts, gymbag, magazines, books, newspapers…well, you get the idea. A few years ago, he bought me a pretty white trash can to put in the backseat (which incidentally my mom loved because she thought it was a new lampshade for the longest time), but stuff ended up all AROUND the trash can, not in it. To him, what I DESERVE to drive is a 1955 Dodge Dart with rusted floorboards littered with trash and no spare tire (because it’s already on the car). He’s never said that, but he doesn’t have to. Some things you just know.

3.   “Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.” Okay, this one took me a while to learn. If he asks you what you want for your birthday, don’t say: “Oh, don’t worry about it” unless you really mean it. And if you’re really pissed off and he asks what’s wrong, don’t say “Nothing” if it’s not true. Men are pretty literal. You have to lay it out there, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Guys just don’t get the nuance of the passive-aggressive “You should have known!” thing that women sometimes do. After too many Christmases of old-lady drugstore perfume, I started making a list. Requests have to be specific. As in: “For Valentine’s Day I’d like a mushy card with more than just your name in it.” Romantic? No. But it gets results.

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18 Responses to “The three things my husband taught me about men”

  1. The first one is so true, all of them are. haha these are cute. 🙂

  2. I will never understand #2. Although I am not one to leave a bunch of stuff inside my car, I don’t feel the need to wash it, every pretty Saturday from March – October. My husband (and countless others across the land) can be found in our driveway any given Saturday that the temp goes above 60 & it’s not raining…note that I didn’t say the sun was shining. Because as long as the rain is not actually falling…it’s a good day to wash the car. Meanwhile, I am left shaking my head wondering why the car “needs” to be washed & vacumned yet again, while the entire inside of our house could use some of that attention…good luck, I know!

  3. Soooo very true. I don’t get the clean car thing either. But my husband is anal about his truck. God forbid I might hide a chicken wing under his seat. hehehehe Or maybe a piece of bait.

  4. Wow, I’m scared to comment here because I feel like I am the only guy!

    I’m gonna leave it at that for now, haha.

  5. Your husband is a wise man, Christa. You should listen to him. 🙂
    By the way, you’re off to a great start. I look forward to more.
    Don

  6. Oh, #2 really annoys me. Even though I enjoy a clean vehicle too, my whole world does not revolve around it. Richard on the other hand will leave his clean truck in the garage until there is NO sign of rain anywhere. UGH!!!!

  7. OK, these are all very funny, but I have to go with the guys on #2. I love to wash my car and if you leave anything in it………LOOKOUT! Now, some may say I’m spoiled (and yes, I probably am with my little red convertible!), BUT I do take excellent care of it and can’t stand it when its dirty. Oh yeah, I’ve also been known not to drive it b/c its clean and then starts raining. And, if you’re riding in my car, you’re probably going to have to use my hand sanitizer too — you know, germs and all. Oh well……..As for #3, if you have a teenage daughter, this problem is easily remedied! Guess I’m a pretty lucky lady! These are great Christa!

  8. (Had a chance to sneek into read your blog). Excellent! I say so because your husband is right, right & right. For years, I used to encourage my wife to “say what you mean.” Because I usually do that…say what I mean, until it got me into trouble (scared some relatives). But in the quest to understand, appreciate and be a meaningful partner, she’s starting to speak on a more direct basis. And that’s a good thing. With this new-found power over me, she knows I can take it. Still can’t buy the right presents for Christmas, but I now rely on my daughter to translate.
    Now, that works!

  9. Ok, I must be the only one in the world, but my car is 10 times cleaner than my husbands! And I don’t clean it very often!!!! Not sure how I feel about all this!!! I guess 1 out of 3 isn’t too bad!:>))

  10. Yeah, but you always say you’re the “man” in the relationship, right??

  11. Thanks everyone!!! I know this doesn’t apply to ALL men, and I don’t mean to stereotype, but it’s still fun to share. Thanks for all the wonderful comments. Check back tomorrow:)

  12. #3 sums it up in our home. If I call it “coaching” my husband doesn’t seem to mind as much. “tonight would be a good one for you to bring flowers home – they are on sale at Lowes.”

    wishing you great success with GRIN!

  13. Love it!! However – my husbands car looks like yours…and I on the other hand can’t stand a messy car! Everytime we get in my husbands car I have to shake my head. His excuse….he’s a busy man.
    Keep ’em coming Christa!

  14. Elaine Holeman Says:

    I love them all
    great web site GRIN!!!!!

  15. Right on. And let’s not forget the corollary to #3. If he does say it, he does mean it. So when I say “don’t get me anything, let’s just spend some quality time together”, it really means I don’t want or need anything and would rather enjoy our time together than spend it schlepping around the mall trying to exchange something that doesn’t fit, work, or both.

    • Ah, so true, Brian. My husband would rather take a beating than go to the ball. He’s really confused as to why people go there. When he says, “nothing,” he means it!

  16. I had fun understanding this post. I want to see more on this subject.. Gives Thanks for writing this nice article.. Anyway, I’m going to sign to your rss and I wish you write great articles again soon.

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