The pre-snow grocery run…

GRIN # 5

I have to admit it: I’m a little weary this morning. I’ve got deadlines out the ying-yang, and I’m beginning to wonder if I can do this for a whole YEAR. I also made the requisite trip to the grocery store (for beer and cookies not milk and bread), and I am still disgusted from that. But turning disgust into snickering is what this blog is all about.

Because of that, and because I really do love you guys, I’m offering a gentle reminder this morning if you’re headed to the grocery store today before the “big snow.” (Notice that’s in quotations; I still don’t believe it):

SO. HERE GOES: You’re at the checkout. Three lanes are open with lines spilling into the aisles. The self-checkout, FOUR LANES!, are all open. A cheerful sign reads: “FAST AND EASY.” Here is my gentle reminder: IT IS NOT FAST AND EASY. IT IS FRIGGIN’ FRUSTRATING. There is a reason no one is doing it. I know this. I remember it from the last time when I swore I would never ever do self-checkout again. But the self-checkout lane is a lot like childbirth–the pain fades over time.

You know where this is going.  I’m scanning my items and mostly keeping my mumbling to myself. Then we get to the produce. Abort. Abort. Too late. Someone’s behind me. I press the “help” button.

Him: “Yes, Ma’am.” (So now I’m a little more disgusted. I haven’t even had my 20th reunion yet bub, we’re practically siblings).

Me: “How do I do this?”

Him: “Just type in the PLU.”

Me: “What is that?”

Him: Sighs. “Price Lookup. You take this list here, find your item, punch the code into the screen and there you go.”

The monitor reads $18.72 for my little sack of sugar snap peas. Damn salads.

Him: “Huh.”

Me: Sighs.

Him: “Ma;am. Your PURSE is on the scale.”

Like I’m just funnin’ him. Like I WANT to be here.We better get snow or I’m gonna be pissed.

I remove the offending purse.

Him: “Try again.”

Flashbacks of math class.

Me: “Will you just do it?”

The man behind me has spotted all the produce sacks in my cart. Now he’s sighing.

Me: “Please.”

I want to add, “I’ll pay you” or “I love you” or whatever might work.

I just want to go home.

He takes pity on me! Maybe I remind him of his mother. Kind young man. God, I promise I will never, ever get in the self-checkout line again.

Remember this when you’re at the store: Go stand in the line–even if it reaches back to to the canned peas. It’s tradition. And sanity-preserving.  And I better see some white stuff on the ground tomorrow!

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9 Responses to “The pre-snow grocery run…”

  1. I like the self checkout.. I am quick and good at it.. you can hire me if ya need help.. I can even do the produce.. LOL.. good STORY.. and I also hate it when they call me “mam” I am not OLD enough to be a mam yet.. that is grandma age right!!!

  2. Think it depends on which store’s self-checkout you’re using. The other trick is to get a lot of practice with them during non-rush hours, so you become a pro and can fly through when you’re in a rush.

    My pet peeve is when I have to “wait for cashier” so I can show them my ID…for Pete’s sake, I’ll be 40 this year and I clearly don’t look <21 anymore.

    BTW, I went to the store yesterday afternoon because I had a craving for chocolate chip cookies. Everyone else was stocking up on milk and bread, etc. Me: Two packages each of Chips Ahoy, Cheez-Its, Bugles, big M&M bags, and ice cream. (All but the Chips Ahoy were on sale — several were BOGO.) Of course then I had to go back last night for bread and milk…

    • OMG that is so funny and true………..went yesterday for milk and toilet paper, beer, and came out with all that plus 3 (yes 3) bags of chips, which I never buy, and several other snacks that were “last minute”…….like I’m going to NEED them or something!

  3. I’m the same way! You HAVE to have cookies when it snows. Why is that? I can’t believe you had to go back for the bread and milk. Karen: I don’t want to get a lot of practice. I’m never going back to self checkout:)) Ever, ever, ever.

  4. I’ve become decently skilled at the self checkout but you’re right… something out of your control always happens and you have to wait for help. They come over… put their key in… furiously tap about 23 keys and the computer beeps and moves on. Oh, that’s all I needed to do?

  5. I know, Donald. They make us feel like idiots:)) Jerry is going to put you and Janice on my blogroll if he can figure out how. He said that is going to be his BDA tonight. (BDA: Beer Drinking Activity).

    • OK, all you skilled-self-checker-outers………much like my Sis, I’m HORRIBLE at this!! I can’t ever get the dumb items to scan first of all! Secondly, the “please check with cashier” sign inevitably pops for some reason. And, thirdly, if you’re LUCKY enough to finish, I hate the “Are you finished?”, “Do you have items under your cart?” “Do you have coupons?” AAAAHHHHH — I’m surprised it doesn’t say “Do you know how dumb you are” or “Do you ever want to do this again?” The answer is NEVER! I too will stand in line for 30min before EVER doing the self checkout again! :>)

  6. SUsan Ely Says:

    I’m with you, Christa. If they’re paying a person to stand there and watch, they can just ring up my dang groceries. OR….give me a discount for doing it myself!

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