The season of eating

GRIN #23

It is SO over. This season of eating. You know about the season of eating even if you don’t realize it. It starts at the end of October with Halloween, picks up speed at Thanksgiving, and is in full swing by Christmas, with New Year’s, the Super Bowl and Valentine’s Day bringing up the rear. I have now officially terminated the season. It cannot be extended through St. Patrick’s Day and Easter. I have to stop this. I’m like a crack addict.

My jeans are tight. I’m doughy. And I’m out of excuses. After spending the weekend in Myrtle Beach eating stale donuts, fried calamari and potato skins, I hit rock bottom. So. Here we go. Last night I went to the store and bought all the right things: disgusting bran cereal, fruit, salad fixings, fresh veggies, lean chicken and fish. I even found new beer! (I am not giving up alcohol. That’s off the table, so don’t even suggest it). I was drinking Miller 64, and now Budweiser has a new light beer called “55.” Jerry says it should be called “Why Bother?”

Oh, make fun all you want, husband, you of the six-pack abs and Olympian training schedule. Some of us don’t ride a bike to places most normal people would drive, so I have to be creative.

At the grocery store, my cart was proud, and then I hit a pothole–a crater really. Harris Teeter had a SALE–fifty percent off Valentine’s cakes and cookies. I had to check it out, I reasoned to Tyler. I mean, how often does the grocery store have a 50 percent off sale? I found the cutest little package of brownie bites topped with pink frosting and mini chocolate hearts. They were the last package.

“These would only be $2,” I said to Tyler. “Don’t you think you and Dad would eat them?”

“I want ice cream sandwiches,” he said. “You can eat them.”

“Oh, no. I’m not eating them. These are for you and Dad.”

“I don’t want them.”

A lady nearby was hovering, clearly wanting the brownies.

“Are you putting those back?” she asked sweetly.

That’s when I realized there is something severely wrong with me. “Nope,” I said. “We are definitely getting these.”

I just couldn’t put them back. They were in demand and on sale–the ultimate combination. If I had relinquished those brownies, I would have disappointed women everywhere. I just couldn’t do it–even with the season of eating, well, out of season.

True to his word, Tyler hasn’t eaten any. Neither have I. I am foisting them upon Jerry, even warming them up in the microwave for him. Come here, my pretty. Because if all else fails, it stands to reason that if Jerry is fatter, I will look skinnier.

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19 Responses to “The season of eating”

  1. Tori Scuderi Says:

    Doesn’t it just kill you how our husbands can be so darn skinny??? Tony can eat 2 bagels at breakfast and still be stuffed at dinner time. It’s not fair!

  2. Hey Cris, loved the story, one that tons of women can relate to! Well, it may be Fat Tuesday and tomorrow starts fasting, but watch out here comes St Patty’s Day (greeen beer) and then the chocolate bunnies for Easter, We’re doomed!!!!!

    Godd luck with the blog, I’ll keep up with it.
    Linda

    • And don’t forget the blasted Girl Scout cookies. I ordered six boxes!! What am I going to do with those? Don’t say freeze them, because I just eat them frozen. I have problems.

  3. Perfect.. especially since I just discontinued my “season of eating” as well.. and I would not have given up the brownies either.. especially when someone else was eyeballing them… MINE… 🙂

  4. Oh how I can relate to the logic of it all. Sale & in demand, that is an irresistible combination! How many of the items that line the back of my closet were just such an impulse buy?!

  5. OMG! I feel soo much better! I felt like the worst person on earth when I found myself happy that Mark had put on a few extra pounds! What is wrong with me? Can we say selfish?

  6. I always rely on Kevin to eat the Doritos I buy. Funny, he doesn’t eat Doritos….

  7. I do the 64 thing … but can’t bring myself to go to the lower 55 … just can’t do a budweiser product! … and I bought 6 boxes of girlscout cookies. I thought it was my duty to buy some, but to save myself, I donate them to the troops overseas. They box them up and send them over for you!

    • 55 is not bad, Dawn. And, yes, Jerry is making fun of me for drinking Budweiser. How do I donate the cookies?? Where do I take them? The question is, can I really do it?? You saw what happened with the brownies.

  8. You specify when you order them to send them to the troops .. you can do it! I have full confidence in you!

    Now .. speaking of eating and drinking .. we need to have a neighborhood get together:-)

  9. Girl .. don’t kid yourself .. YOU ARE NOT donating those cookies.. LOL Just kidding… but it is a GREAT idea… 🙂

  10. Hi there, I found your blog via Google while searching for first aid for a heart attack and your post looks very interesting for me.

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