The secret she’ll never tell

GRIN # 37

Sorry, guys. This one won’t apply to you, but it could help you understand the womenfolk in your life.

Women will pretty much talk about anything: sex, jobs, feelings, clothes, childhood experiences, paint colors, you name it.

Except. This. You will never know what we weigh. I don’t care if you’re the husband, best friend, child, mother, father or psychiatrist. It’s not happening. Often we’re not even honest with ourselves. Look at this picture: The woman taking down the weight has the good sense to stand back. You never know what will happen at a weigh-in.

A year ago I had surgery at Wake Med. On the way back to the pre-op room, the nurse led me to the scale, my husband in tow.

“Let’s get your weight, hon.”

“Back up, Bub,” I said to Jerry.

“What’s the big deal?” he said. “Why don’t you want me to know your weight?”

“You’ll know my weight when I’m dead mister–when you’re putting in the coffin order–and not a minute before so just STAND BACK.”

The nurse smiled. She knew what I was talking about.

You gotta feel sorry for those Olympic skiing athletes whose weights they plaster across the screen. And the Biggest Loser contestants, although they are asking for it. The producers just add injury to insult by making them wear those midriff athletic tops. You gotta be in a bad way to commit to those two things together.

If a woman does share her weight, she’s proud of it. Or happy about it. And that’s cool, I guess. But if she shares it on a ladies night, she’ll be drugged and wake up in a frozen bra with a Ring-Ding tucked into each cup. I’m just saying.

Be proud quietly, skinny ladies.

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6 Responses to “The secret she’ll never tell”

  1. The part about the frozen bra stuffed with Ring Dings was freaking hilarious!

  2. Funny. I’m skinny — but not *proud* of it, because my skinniness is due in part to a chronic illness and I didn’t do anything to “earn” it. (If I were an Olympic athlete, I’d be proud of whatever number was on the scale!) I’m not *ashamed* of my weight either, but still, I don’t tell my weight to other women unless (1) they are medical professionals, or (2) they pester me about it until I give in and tell.

    In situation #2, the number on the scale becomes a strike against me, or a confirmation of the idea that I am somehow “other,” and that I “don’t understand.” I’m kicked out of “the club.” The best is when they say, “Oh, you’re so lucky.” Yeah, I’m *so* lucky to be chronically ill!

    You’re right — in general, anytime women discuss weight, I think we all come away feeling like the Biggest Losers.

    • Karen–you’re right–that’s a totally different issue. Being chronically ill with something is such a struggle. Most people I know would do anything to trade that illness for something silly like a little extra weight:)

  3. Michelle Says:

    Ring Ding??? bahhahah aaahahah bahhah… that is a good one.. and so true.. and how about wanting to throw the Wii fit out the window.. when you step on the board and it goes OHHH!!! and then it weighs you and says “Your Obese”… the proceeds to make your wii charactor expand and sway around like it can’t stand!! Idiot machine….. I should through a ring ding at it.. but not until I have had a bite.. LOL.. hahahah

    • I had the Wii part in there but it made the post a little long. You’re absolutely right though. Whoever designed that “You are….overweight” should be smacked. Not to mention the damn thing groans when you step on it!!

      • Michelle Says:

        No kidding RUDE.. and getting ready to step on the politically incorrect game NOW…

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