Get your hand out of the collection plate!

GRIN # 46

I’ve been trying to go to church. It’s another of those well-meaning New Year’s resolutions that I can feel slipping away. Just the cussing I do to get us there on time is on the verge of disqualifying me.

A few Sundays ago I let Tyler stay in the sanctuary with me instead of making him go to Sunday school. By the end of the service, he was rolling around in the pew, and I had feelings far from Christian. I contemplated clobbering him in front of the congregation, but didn’t want to disrupt the service anymore than we already had.

As the collection plate was passed, I motioned Tyler to put our offering on top. The gold plate landed gently in his arms and he contemplated it.

“Go ahead,” I urged gently, smiling at the usher with my best isn’t-he-darling smile. But Tyler decided he’d rather have that bill for himself, along with a few more, being that they were all piled so high and easily accessible. I stopped his free hand from pilfering and tried in vain to get him to release our contribution from the other.

“Put it in,” I whispered.

“But, I don’t want to…I want to keep it.”

I smiled again at the usher while the organ droned on. We were the last people in the last row, and the possibility that we were going to hold things up began to loom. My face got hot.

“PUT IT IN,” I hissed urgently in his ear, this time prying the bill from his hand and quickly giving the plate back to the usher, amid Tyler’s objections.

They say charity begins at home. I’m trying. But Tyler seems more intent than ever to hold onto dollars bills. The other day at the park I offered to buy him a lemonade from the vending machine, and he said he’d rather have the dollar instead.

So I’ve got saving covered. Giving? Not so much.


5 Responses to “Get your hand out of the collection plate!”

  1. Chris Donaldson Says:

    Charity is not really natural, as much as some wide-eyed new-agers might want you to believe. Like any other good value, it has to be taught. Maybe for now, you should stick to making the offerings yourself, and teach by example.

  2. We should try to go to our church this Sunday. T could go with M&M to their class and you can go with me and Richard.

  3. Tori Scuderi Says:

    I actually witnessed someone ‘making change’ from the collection plate one time. That was an eye opener!

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