Hanging pictures? Take a Xanax

GRIN# 80

Ya’ll gave me wonderful GRINS yesterday sharing what makes you happy. Thank you!!

I’d be remiss if I didn’t say that my son is my greatest joy. Watching him have fun makes me so happy.

But today, I’m putting him to work–cleaning and toting things upstairs that are cluttering the living room.

Because….TODAY….company is coming.

And we all know there’s nothing like company coming to make you get your house in order.

I have just a few hours to make it look like no one lives here.

Ladies, you know what I’m talking about.

I don’t HAVE to. It’s my dad. He doesn’t care a lick. But it’s a compulsive, neurotic thing that I do.

Coincidentally (or perhaps not) I’ve done a little redecorating which was finished just last night as Jerry hung the last picture.

Jerry is a good man, but there is something about hanging pictures that makes him incredibly angry.

He HATES putting holes in the wall. It’s like we’re renters.

And we’ve lived in this house for 11 years.

He’s almost verbally abusive.

I would do it myself, but “I don’t do it right.” He gets the level and the tape measure and blah, blah, blah while I would just eyeball it. Because along with “When it’s too hard, quit,” my other motto, as you may remember, is: “Sometimes good enough is good enough.”

If I don’t stand right by him while he’s hanging the picture, showing him where it’s goes, the abuse is worse.

Here’s how it went last night:

Him: Sigh. Look at this wall. My God.

(It’s the same look he gets when he sees the inside of my car).

Him: Give me a nail.

Him: (eye rolling) I said A nail, not NAILS!

Me: Can’t you just do this without being an ass? Just once?

Him: No!

Me: There’s something wrong with you.

Him: (hammering) How much did you pay for this picture? It looks like Tyler did it.

Me: I love this picture.

Him: Nail!

(Measuring, then hammering).

Him: There! (disgusted).

Me (stepping back): Wait. Is it level?

Him: Is it LEVEL? It doesn’t get any more level than that! That’s what the level is for! That’s why you use a level!

At that point I just laugh. Then he goes to bed, angry.

This morning he discovered he hung the picture over a light switch.

I’m still laughing.

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10 Responses to “Hanging pictures? Take a Xanax”

  1. Why is it that when a man does ANYTHING, you have to be standing right beside him….. even if it is a one person job???!!!!

  2. That is funny! Yes, hanging pictures fits right in with hanging wallpaper with his Dad!

  3. OMG!!! This is why I would never even ASK Mark to hang a picture! It would be disasterous!! LOL!!!!!

  4. Chris Donaldson Says:

    Jeanne Robertson (a humorist from Graham, NC) does a bit about exactly the same situation with her husband. It’s in a broader discussion about “Left-brained” people and “right-brained” people. I looked for it on Youtube with no luck, but if you ever run across it, you’ll swear she was watching you last night.

    Coincidentally, my wife suffers from the same last minute cleaning affliction you do. She may not straighten up the house for weeks, but she’ll practically kill herself the night if we’re having company.

    • I’ll look for it, Chris, thanks! I love reading other people’s stuff. And I’m glad I’m not the only compulsive last-minute cleaner. Tell your wife she has company:)

  5. Michelle Says:

    perfect.. it is Karma.. he was grumpy hanging the picture.. so Karma put the light switch under it.. 🙂 🙂 LOL very funny!!

  6. Great Post. I add this Blog to my bookmarks.

  7. Great Post. I add this Blog to my bookmarks.

  8. I’ve been visiting your blog for a while now and I always find a gem in your new posts. Thanks for sharing.

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