Three questions you NEVER ask

GRIN # 86

1. When are you due? NEVER, ever ask this question. Eventually, the woman you ask is not going to be pregnant. If you have asked the question, go ahead and apologize and come up with whatever lame excuse you can muster. Good effort, but she hates your guts now and there’s nothing you can do to make it better. In the future, unless you see the baby crowning, zip your lip.

2. How do YOU like it? Ah, the thinly-veiled insult turned question. Example: “Do you like my new hair cut?”….“How do YOU like it?” Didn’t your mama ever teach you not to answer a question with a question? Repeat after me: “I love it!” The person is seeking reassurance. This also applies to “Does this make me look fat?” although the correct response to this one is, “No!” It’s always, always no. If you get the answers confused, refer back to #1.

3. Did you find a job yet? Ouch. Basically, no news is bad news. If she had found a job, she would have tweeted, posted, texted, emailed or called because, let’s face it, these days finding a job is damn good news. So, don’t ask! Close cousins are: “When are you getting married?”, “When are you guys gonna have kids?” and “Why don’t ya’ll have kids?” Nunya dang beeswax. If you don’t already know, you’re not close enough to know so have another glass of wine and fuhgeddabout it.


4 Responses to “Three questions you NEVER ask”

  1. Wrt #1, have you seen “Two Weeks’ Notice”? A couple of funny scenes related to that question.

    #3 — Amen! If for one second I look happy, it means I’ve forgotten about that particular facet of my life. Please don’t remind me what a loser I am by asking that one!

    Finally, my favorite unnecessary question: “Hey, how’s that rash doing?”

  2. Tim DeWees Says:

    All of your posts have me laughing, but I think I pulled a muscle in my gut laughing so hard at this one! Keep up the great work Chrissy.

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