The perfect costume
GRIN # 157
Like Pajama Day, the 100th day of school is a very big deal, especially in kindergarten. Although this story is a year old it still makes me chuckle.
On the 100th day of school, parents are basically asked to dress their kids like they’re 100 years old. Huh. It seemed a little politically incorrect to me, but I was game. What could I do? Walkers, prescription bottles, Depends?
As I looked for Tyler an outfit I came across one of Jerry’s Camelback Water Bags. Used for cycling, it’s a thick plastic pouch you fill with water and wear on your back. About a foot of tubing goes from the bag to your mouth so you don’t have to mess with water bottles. Jerry never used it so I figured this could be part of T’s outfit.
When he got home I had it draped around my neck.
“You can wear this tomorrow as your costume for a 100-year-old man.”
“What is it?”
“Well. Let’s see….It could be a bladder bag….that would go with a catheter. Because sometimes older people can’t….” I trailed off. How to explain?
“Well. It holds, like, uh, urine,” I started chuckling a bit.
“What is that?”
By this time, I was laughing so hard, doubled over, that I could only wheeze out, “Pee, it’s pee.”
At which point Tyler yelled, “You HATE me!!” and ran to his room crying.
Oh, folks, I actually fell on the floor laughing, and I could not go and assure my boy that I did not hate him. I was incapacitated by the idea of my five year old wearing a bladder bag around his neck in kindergarten.
I lay on my bed for about 15 minutes. Every time I tried to apologize I exploded into another fit of giggles. By now, Tyler was completely against dressing like a 100-year-old man. He thought, with good reason, that I would go to any lengths to make him look like a fool. And with that assignment, you really didn’t have to go far.
Sometimes, though, things work out for the best. The next morning, Tyler had a fever and couldn’t go to school.
We watched movies and ate popsicles.
The bladder bag is buried in the garage. With the phonebooks.
We do not speak of it.