Gene pools, onlies and one-eyed dogs
GRIN # 235
Yeah, actually you can. There are worse things in life surely.
My mom had four; although I was the last one by a long shot so in some ways I grew up an only. When I was born, I had a brother who was 15, another who was 13 and a sister who was 10. I’m pretty sure I was an “Oh, shit!” baby.
My mom denies this heartily: “You were not an accident!”
Maybe not, but I think God was scrambling. The thing with onlies is they get all the good genes in the gene pool. You know what I’m talking about. We’ve all seen people who’ve ended up with the dregs of the gene pool.
With my unexpected conception, I think God was like, “Geez, lady. We thought you were done. We ‘re scrapin’ the bottom of the barrel here.”
As a result, I was the only kid in my family who needed braces, glasses and a lifetime membership to the dermatologist.
I have to admit, though, I do love having big brothers and a sister. They are amazing and have been role models for me my entire life. They actually hold the keys to the past–to what my family was like before I came along.
“Nope,” I said.
“She only had one eye,” said my sister.
“Are you serious?! Was she born that way?”
“No. We were out of town and a neighbor was taking care of her. The vet said she probably got in a fight.”
“That’s terrible! Weren’t you mad? What happened?”
“I don’t remember. I guess Mom and Dad were upset. The vet took out her eye and sewed it up. Just like that.”
I instantly pictured it.
“God, I definitely could have gone the rest of my life without hearing that story,” I said.
Score another point for onlies who never would’ve heard that story.
I’m still thinking about that one-eyed dog.