Top Ten Life Lessons

GRIN # 257

I was watching 30 Rock the other night and Alex Baldwin, who plays Jack Donaghy, was stressing because he was going to be an “old” dad. He decided to make an instructional videotape for his unborn child, which contained all kinds of useless information.

Hey, I have plenty of useless information for my son, too–not that I’m planning on going anywhere anytime soon, mind you. Here goes:

1. College: Sit in the front row, every day. No teacher will fail someone that dedicated.

2. As a parent, don’t volunteer for field day. If you have the misfortune to do so, pick an UNPOPULAR station. Trust me. Then, clean up your act. That was a two-hour taste of hell.

3. If your wife tells you someone hit the car while she was in the mall and she didn’t see a thing, she’s probably lying.

4. Don’t drink apple juice or eat sugarless candies before a long car ride and for the love of God don’t do both at the same time, ever.

5. If you’re ever required to bake, corn syrup and corn oil are not the same thing.

6. Girls: Flattery will get you everywhere.

7. When you mess up, buy flowers.

8. When you don’t mess up, buy flowers.

9. Blue box macaroni and cheese and cake makes everything better. (Or maybe that’s just me).

10. Finally, don’t EVER get in the self-checkout line at the grocery store.

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2 Responses to “Top Ten Life Lessons”

  1. I love #10! Never, ever get in the self-checkout lane…….what a disaster. Even if you, by some remote chance, are able to get the items scanned, there’s a whole plethera of questions that follow………do you have your VIC card, do you have coupons, do you know what day it is, do you like the weather today………..and on and on……….I will stand in line for 20 minutes before I do the self checkout!

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