Scared straight

GRIN # 270

With Halloween at the back door, I’ve been thinking lately about this great occasion (on account of the free candy) that celebrates, really, scaring folks.

Frankly, I don’t like being scared. It actually pisses me off.

On America’s Funniest Home Videos, there’s no shortage of innocent women cooking in the kitchen who stumble upon some sadist who’s figured out how to position himself in the pantry and pop out. Or women who come home late at night to find boyfriends in Halloween costumes hiding in the dining room. The guys think it’s Jackass–The Movie.

It’s justifiable homicide.

“Don’t you guys EVER do that to me!” I yell at Tyler and Jerry. “That is so not funny.”

Dang. Regular life is scary enough without creating more havoc. Then again, maybe I’m not the best person to use as a litmus test for acceptable scaring.

I don’t do haunted houses. I refused even the haunted corn maze on Sunday. Public toilets with automatic flushers leave my heart pounding. And the glaucoma test at the eye doctor, with its insidious puff of unexpected eyeball air? Sheer torture. I either shut my eyes or back out of the headgear at least four times before the technician is successful.

“Hold very still.”

“Okay,” I reply, jerking back when the air comes.

“You have to hold still.”

“I am!”

“You’re not!”

Whatever. Ta-may-to, Ta-mah-to. Think before you scare.

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2 Responses to “Scared straight”

  1. Michelle Anysz Says:

    My little girls FEAR the automatic flushing toliets! Nothing like trying to get them to sit down on the toilet paper that I so carefully put on the seat in a public bathroom to have them jump off and pee on the floor if they make one little move and the water goes! I swear they think they are going to go down with the water!!

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