Giant or fat felon?

GRIN# 384

My seven-year-old is in a class play on Thursday. Actually, I guess you’d call it a play conglomeration. It has all of these fairy tale characters in it who discover their foils maybe aren’t as bad as they once thought.

It’s about being kind and not judging people and so on. Tyler is the giant from Jack and the Beanstalk who realizes that, hey, maybe Jack is not a puny, lying thief after all.

The parents had to provide the costumes. Which I knew about.

I knew about it way ahead of time, in fact. So far ahead that it seemed crazy to tackle it then.

Instead, I tackled it the Sunday before the Monday it was due. I know. Spare me the lecture. I did what every kid does who waits til the last minute. I panicked and called my mother.

“I need a giant costume,” I said.

“How big?” she asked.

“No! Like the giant from Jack and the Beanstalk! For Tyler. It’s for a play.”

My mom is really talented and creative.  I knew she would think of something awesome. She’s much better at this kind of stuff, than, say, Science Fair.

Every year in elementary school when the Science Fair came around, she pushed me out the door with an old Jif peanut butter jar filled with some dirt and a plant cutting. Suffice it to say I had a lot of orange “Participant” ribbons.

“What does a giant wear?” she asked, breaking into my reverie.

“How should I know?” I asked. Tyler had asked me the same thing.

“Try to find some pictures of giants,” my mom suggested.

I sighed. “I have! They’re just big…men in regular clothes.”

“Do giants wear hats?”


“Do they have facial hair?”

“Mom, I don’t know. I don’t think so.” Damn. A pig or a bear would have been so much easier.

“We could make a sign that says ‘GIANT’ and pin it to him,” she said.

It was like the Jif jar all over again.

“Mom! We have to do better than that.”

And we did. I found an old green shirt at Goodwill and we glued Polyfill on the inside to make Tyler look big. We cut jagged edges into the hem and did the same with an old pair of black pants. My mom found an old drapery cord we used as a belt. Then we took big gloves and stuffed the tips so his hands would look big and topped off the look with a black skull cap.

I like it! Tyler’s classmates like it, too. To date, they’ve unraveled the rope belt and several are begging to try on the itchy, puffy shirt which sheds a trail of white cloud-like fibers. Hansel and Gretel could have used a shirt like that.

Take a look.

He’s either a giant or a fat felon. You decide.


2 Responses to “Giant or fat felon?”

  1. needs a big long beard and sum bubba teef

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