The tuna fish diet

GRIN # 407

I’ve decided that in order to look at least halfway presentable I just have to keep all the sweet stuff out of the house.

ALL of it.

Initially this declaration was met with a lot of resistance.

“Soooo, just because you have no willpower, the rest of us have to suffer?” Jerry asked after I explained the new arrangement.


But then I caved because they are two hungry boys and they’re both so, well, skinny! So I bought sweet snacks that are gross–things I knew I wouldn’t eat.

Like oatmeal pies, with the nasty cream in the middle.

But it only took a day or two before I was eating those thinking, “You know, these aren’t half bad.”

Next, I bought Pecan Twirls–those dry, circular cakes with weeks-old pecans mushed in.

But they have a certain charm when you unroll the whole cake and wash it down with a Diet Mountain Dew.

Next on the list:  Fig Newtons, a true embarrassment to high fructose deliciousness. I couldn’t imagine how I could deign to “sneak” a Fig Newton (and would that even be cheating?), but I didn’t trust myself, so I went back to my original  moratorium.

But today I discovered there may be a way the boys can have their oatmeal pies and eat them too.

As I was making a fruit salad for Tyler’s end-0f-the-year baseball party, Jerry came home from a ride and started making a tuna fish sandwich right next to me.

“REALLY?” I asked.  “You’re seriously going to open that nastiness right next to me?”

It’s hard to even describe how gross tuna fish is to me, but I’ll try. Let’s see: cat food. The garbage can with the lid open. Your dog’s long overdue anal-gland-squeeze at the vet.

Then it dawned on me.

I could just open a few cans of tuna and set them around the house like dead-body-smell air fresheners. Then I won’t want to eat, well, AT ALL.

There’s nothing like a little dry-heaving to keep you motivated.


6 Responses to “The tuna fish diet”

  1. Michelle Says:

    This is freakin’ HILARIOUS Chrissy! I gag when I smell tuna fish so I think that this is a FABULOUS idea! Tuna Fish air fresheners… awesome!

  2. Yum cream cheese n tuna sandwiches

  3. Love me some tuna fish n’ crackers — you have to add a little fat-free mayo, chopped celery, salt, pepper, and a squeeze of lemon. Yum!

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