Archive for the Current Events Category

Opinions confirmed

Posted in Current Events with tags , , , , , , , on March 10, 2012 by cwgala

GRIN #432

Take a look at this.

Lord in heaven. “What IS that?” you ask. It’s meatloaf. And, as I’ve always known, it does in fact suck. Fortunately, I didn’t actually make this. That would have run counter to my raw meat aversion. Instead, I purchased it–for the hub–from a place I quite like. And to see if I was missing anything. I am not. The flavoring was good and it smelled great. Here’s the problem. It looks–and tastes–like cat food. There’s just no way around it.

The texture is the problem. And with exhibit A, above, the problem is compounded. This is actually a stuffed meatloaf–a freaky ill-begotten spawn of my other ack-attack food, turducken. Why would you take good ham, good cheese and pollute it inside a loaf of meat? I’m still a little nauseous thinking about this.

Here it is on a plate: even less appetizing if that’s possible.

SECOND CONFIRMED OPINION: Baseballs/softballs hurt like hell when you catch them.

I learned this a long time ago. I’m not exactly a girly girl (okay, really, I am) but I do have an aversion to pain, in addition to raw meat. In sixth grade, I played one season of softball (ironically for The Cary News) and as a result of my ball-avoidance problem, the coach put me where the ball never goes (it’s either right or left field, I can never remember).

Anyway, it was a good bet. The ball only came to me once that season. Everyone was cheering for me to catch it, but I just stepped out of the way and let it drop to the ground. But instead of hitting the ground, it hit my thigh, and I cried like a baby. Not my finest moment.

ANYWAY, Tyler has baseball tryouts tomorrow and since the time hasn’t changed yet it would be dark before Jerry got home to throw him a few practice pitches. So I filled in. It was just as I remembered. You put a little heat behind that ball, even from an eight-year-old, and damn it hurts!

Me: Just roll it to me. Quit throwing it!

Tyler: Mom, just catch it!

Me: No!! It hurts!

Tyler: Quit jumping out of the way! You’re not even trying!

Me (jumping out of the way).

Tyler: Really, Mom?!!

Yes, really. It hurts. I am scared of catching baseballs and softballs even with a glove on. And, if I’m honest, I’m scared even when they’re just flying around. Frankly, volleyballs are no picnic either.

Anyway, I threw him the ball back and it clipped his right hand really hard and he started crying.

“I told you it hurt!” I said. “That’s why I get out of the way!”

And why I am not a good fill-in. Fingers crossed for tomorrow.

Advertisements

I’m so old I need help understanding…

Posted in Current Events with tags , , , , , , , , on February 13, 2012 by cwgala

GRIN #431

The Whole-Pants-Worn-Under-Your-Butt-Cheeks phenomenon: Hasn’t this been going on for YEARS now? When is it going to end? The other day at the mall, I saw a GIRL with her pants half off. Every time I see this, I just want to yell: “Hey, your ass is showing, you dumbass!” Crack ain’t cool, fool.

A thirty-dollar-gummy-bear: This thing is the size of a Smithfield ham. And the salesman told me he sells them all the time. Again, why? Aside from that, how would you even eat it? I eat it with a knife and fork. I roll it in a slice of pork. It’s a Dr. Suess side dish.  

Ear gauges: These are dime-sized circles young people, mostly guys, wear in their ears. I’m not sure why. Because it’s cool, I guess. Kinda like the pants-around-the-knees thing. But in 10 years, or maybe even 5, they’re going to have ear flaps. I’m not a doctor, but I’m guessing ear lobes are a lot like breasts. And once they get stretched out. Well. You know. It’s not going to be pretty, boys. You’re going to want ear implants. And I’m pretty sure insurance won’t cover it.


A tradition I can’t figure out why I haven’t quit yet

Posted in Current Events with tags , , , on December 23, 2011 by cwgala

GRIN #427

The bleepin’ Gingerbread House. Looking good here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Five minutes later. I want my money back.

From the “duh” files

Posted in Current Events with tags , , , , , on October 5, 2011 by cwgala

GRIN # 420

Things that should have happened sooner:

  • FINALLY, the freakin’ supermarkets, a lot of them anyway, are considering getting RID of the self-checkout lanes because they’re not being utilized by the majority of U.S. shoppers. Only 16 percent of total transactions took place at the self checkout in 2010 compared to 22 percent three years ago. DUH! That’s because a). you need a Ph.D in computer science to use one and b). most people like to interact with a real human being that speaks his or her language (customer service industry, take note puh-lease!).
  • Crystal Harris, 25, broke off her engagement with Hugh Hefner. I know! I was surprised too! But apparently, she thought about it and decided it wasn’t “the lifestyle she wanted.” Hugh, 85, was surprisingly okay with it and showed a screening at the Playboy Mansion of “The Runaway Bride.” His reaction: “better now than later.” In other news, The Playboy Club was cancelled from prime time’s fall lineup after just three shows, which goes to show you sometimes good judgment does prevail.
  • Charlie Sheens not in the news anymore. “Duh, winning!”  Looks like the “duh’s” on him.  The lesson: no matter how rich or famous you are, eventually someone will call your bluff.

Operation Beautiful

Posted in Current Events with tags , , , , on September 9, 2011 by cwgala

GRIN # 416

I can’t stand naysayers and negative people; yet often we’re our own worst critics.

Today, check out Caitlin Boyle’s blog at  http://operationbeautiful.com/

Boyle lives in Charlotte, NC and is changing the world one sticky note at a time.

It’ll definitely make you smile. So cool!!

Only in San Fran

Posted in Current Events with tags , , on September 5, 2011 by cwgala

GRIN # 415

My friend took this picture on a recent trip to San Francisco of a group of men hanging out by the corner store. NAAYYKED.

Her husband: “Add that to a long list of things you’d never catch a Southern boy doing.”

Uh, yeah. I’d say so.

Forget the hurricane; check out the earthquake damage…

Posted in Current Events with tags , , , , , on August 27, 2011 by cwgala

GRIN # 413